OM is a “consciousness practice that fosters the much-needed elements of connection and empathy.” I call it, “If women designed sex, then this would pretty much be it.” The most uncomfortable part is watching a women have an orgasm (or technically, be an Orgasmic State) for 15 minutes live amid 40 complete strangers with people calling out what sensations they are feeling. More on that in the below.
I went into the one day intro class expecting to be bombarded with some “woo woo” lectures about the journey of orgasmic flows or whatever and gong banging about the glory of all things vagina, but the course was surprisingly pragmatic and down to earth. Two longtime practitioners facilitate the whole day of the intro course. The duo that hosted my training were a New York native Jew and a San Fran based marketing professional. The class was filled with all ages, all races, and all relationship statuses. We did a round of names and reasons for attending. Some women wanted to “reclaim” their orgasms. A few guys said they wanted to know what the heck was going on “down there.” Many people wanted connection with their partners or even just another soul. I said I was there for learning and that I put myself in these niche groups to see what unfolds. The instructors conveyed that OM could be another tool in your tool belt, “along with your chains, or threesomes, and whatever” or have a more spiritual reason centered around attention and connection. Considering we were in San Francisco and that all attendees had signed up for this course, people were quite open. The teachers said OM was ideal for sensitive people coping with living in an insensitive world. That didn’t really fit me, but okay. I would agree we have a lot less real connection than probably before. The company that runs these courses, OneTaste, is so named after the Buddhist quote: “Just as the great ocean has one taste, the taste of salt, so also this teaching and discipline has one taste, the taste of liberation.”
The instructors spoke a lot about why they became OM coaches and why OM attracted them in the first place. We reviewed the chart about Orgasm 1.0 and their new framework for Orgasm 2.0. There are many parameters and steps to OM and for good reason: the whole notion of OM is that it is NOT a catalyst to sex; it is not a “tit for tat” exchange where anyone owes anything to the other; it is not about not hurting a partner’s ego; it is not about getting a date or getting laid; it is not meant to have a “finishing point,” and it is precisely timed so one (“strokee”, a woman, always) can be free for 15 minutes and not worry about when things are finished or when she has to perform anything. People asked what’s in in for men, the “strokers,” and the coaches explained the incredible connection one gets out of it is it. That’s it. You get connection. I’m listening to this as men are shaking their heads in nodding agreement. This is god damn brilliant, I thought. This expertly crafted marketing message heralding the ultimate feminist’s sex proclamation reads something like, “Here. These are the exact 18 steps to follow if I let you rub my clit. In exchange, I’ll let you feel what happens but only via the tip of your finger. Oh, and only if you wear gloves.” Things have come a long way sixty years since bra burning.
The live demo, done by one of the coaches leading the class, is confronting. The other coach insisted that everyone sit down as people have fainted before. Maybe you’ve watched a hot and steamy scene in the movie theater before, but the darkness of the theater and shortness of the scene cloaks a lot of uncomfortable vibes. This is for 15 minutes where you watch all 40 faces in broad daylight (OMing is always done in the light) with a live, full frontal view of spread labia. It’s odd to see a poised teacher with the coiffed bob become a moan machine. Some people were adamantly uncomfortable, glancing away or up at the ceiling. I did think of Frozen’s “Let it goooooo” classic lyric for a moment mostly because I was internally cheering the coach on. Staff from the back of room shouted out their live feelings, ranging from “I feel a tingling in my rib cage” to “I feel heat in my pussy.” After the chime that announced the OM session was over, we applauded (someone did ask if that was appropriate), and the class was asked to share their “frames,” moments in the entire session in which they felt something. Language is always neutral and descriptive in OMing.
Later in the day, we watched a live step-by-step clothes on demo to get the sequence of steps down from unfurling the “nest” where the OM takes place, to the placement of lube, to the request for pressure, to where hands are placed, etc. The “stoker” uses, for instance, just the index finger to stroke in about a 1.5 inch range. The practice is to be explicitly followed such that if someone in the OM community ever asks you for an OM, everyone knows the rules. I imagine one has to do it 30 or so times to just get the steps down, as all things needing practice. Many people practice OM daily or a few times a week, but no more than 5 times a day. If you want to learn more, there are tons of courses to take and a 7-month coaching program. (This is a business, after all. However, the coaches weren’t pushy.) And, after taking the course, anyone was free to OM.
I could write several more paragraphs, but I suppose this is why a book is in order. One last thing-I went on a long run after this class and Stereo MC’s “Connected” song randomly played. The lyrics seem oddly like OM’s anthem (if they had one). Here are a few:
I'm gonna get myself, I'm gonna get myself
I'm gonna get myself connected
I ain't gonna go blind for the light which is reflected
I see thru you, I see thru you
I see thru you, I see thru you . . . .
If you make sure you're connected
The writing's on the wall
But if your mind's neglected, stumble you might fall
Stumble you might fall, stumble you might fall
*****
Disclaimer:
In January of 2015, I started a series of uncomfortable experiences to test a hypothesis: If doing and making bigger and bolder things happen are always achieved outside the comfort zone, then can you pro-actively practice being uncomfortable to get outside your comfort zone? What happens when you become more comfortable with being uncomfortable?
More on this hypothesis and insights about what is to be gained with this practice by going to Creative Mornings San Diego and seeing one of my talks.
Some of these experiences may seem uncomfortable, gross, offensive, or outlandish from your perspective, and that's okay. These aren’t for everyone. In each of these brief experiences, I aim to illuminate, respect, and learn from the lives of others who give their blessings to share their stories.