So many uncomfortable things in life are simply conversations-the ones you try to avoid, not have, or never dare push for because you think (and make a dangerous assumption) the “other” will be unyielding or unreceptive. At this point, I’m pretty solid on asking anyone anything, but this muscle needs to be exercised to stay in shape, and I encourage you to work yours, too.
First off, I’m not appalled by guns. I grew up shooting them, I’ve had training, and my dad would take us shooting growing up. However, I don’t think they should be a right, shouldn’t be in the hands of teachers, and shouldn’t be given out like cigarettes at gas stores. A bit surprisingly, a number of people at this show have at least the same mindset or are somewhere on this same spectrum. I had a bias of thinking, “Well, this has to be the nutty-ist of nuts at this show, waving their trump flags and putting rifles in the hands of kids here.” Sure, there are “those people,” but those are the rare ones, at least whom I encountered. Driving into the parking lot, I noticed mostly trucks, a number with bummer stickers you would think to see. I expected mostly men, but it was about 97% white males, mostly in their 40s to 60s, I’d say. For comparison, I was at a Beyonce concert two nights before in San Diego, which was about 40% male and equal parts black, Hispanic, white/other.
My mission was to ask a few dozen people an assortment of “controversial” questions such as: What do you believe is the solution for school shootings? Do you believe background checks should be done on everyone who owns a gun? What is wrong with America right now, if anything? I wasn’t there to have wild arguments, but rather listen and encourage conversation. One thing I’ve learned in doing these uncomfortable experiences is that if you don’t pounce and protest what people say and allow them the dignity to say a full thought, they will keep sharing. They will ask for your thoughts and comments, too. This is an advanced listening skill and often hard to do, but man, can you take this skill anywhere in life.
For the most part, many people were not “gun nuts” at all. (This reminds me of the pro-lifers I met in another experience who weren’t extreme “bible bangers,” for the most part, either.) They are proud Americans, articulate, and want a world of self-reliance. Some got into guns because they grew up with them. One guy had sons who were in the military, and they would go shooting as “good bonding time.” Hobbies convert to businesses. I asked one guy, “So do you think any Democrats are here?” He said, “Nope. Unless they have a bulletproof vest on.” Another said, “Oh, certainly. There are some here. Many moderates are here. I actually voted for Obama.” One said that gun safety starts at the home and that the recent Florida shooting was a failure of government many times over to listen to reports and flags that were sent. Another suggested that each school should hire 2 vets who have been well trained in firearms as part of the solution for school shootings. I asked one guy if he did the hunting, and he replied, “Oh, I couldn’t, ma’am. I do volunteer work with rescue animals.” The more you listen without judgment, the more surprising kernels pop out of people. On the topic of gun rights, EVERY person I spoke to was in favor of background checks, and many mentioned “extensive” ones, ones that connected to national databases, and so on. When I said, “Well, there are gun advocates who don’t believe in any background checks.. . .” many would shake their heads, chuckle, or say, “no, not at least at this show.” One lamented that it is so sad at how the two party system has aggravated the polar opposites in our country such that these people can’t even hear one another. He thanked me for our conversation. I spoke with cops as well and asked, “Do you want citizens to have guns?” Both cops (white and male, BTW), said, “Responsible ones? Then absolutely,” and “yes, without a doubt, but that’s my personal opinion.”
Interestingly, I learned that a CCW (Carried Concealed Weapon) permit is a hot ticket right now in Orange County, which is expected to have more than 25,000 permits granted by end of this year, even 30,000. (Orange County is a notably conservative bubble in California, also notably white by about 65% of the population.) I couldn’t help but think of a guy in a polo shirt or with a surf board polishing his gun from his mini mansion overlooking Laguna Beach, but see: that’s another bias I just thought up.
Note: photos were supposedly not allowed, but no one escorted me out despite my obvious photo taking spree. Probably another white privilege to add to the list.
Overall, this was a good experience and a solid reminder to challenge your biases often. One of the things I mention in the book is that experiences like these wear down your bias to a nub, and that’s a good thing: they don’t tend to keep your mind and ears open.